Only one true way to go to hell

It was Christmas eve and I was visiting with in-laws. The in-laws had also invited their friends, I wish I had some of my friends in attendance that night but at any rate we soon discovered that "the in laws' friends" was a born again, fire & brimstone, conversion missionary. These are a specific kind of missionary that believes it is their mission to save the souls of all non-believers. Typically this is done (IMHO) with a nice mix of guilt and fear. First the guilt is applied by explaining that someone died so that "you" could live, and then the fear is applied by mentioning that the only...I should say ONLY, no exception...only way to heaven is to accept jesus as your savior or burn in hell, after you die. It's one thing to threaten the living but to threaten ones soul is a whole different level of mindfuck that no loving god would approve of.. In my opinion. I have divorced parents who have both remarried and all four are from different religious back grounds, so I like to think I have a very well rounded view of spirituality, not to mention a slightly non-conventional belief system of my own.

This person, we'll call "P"...which is short for Pizarro the Spanish conqueror who waged war in the name of god.

So "P" opens the set by asking names, interests, jobs, and such. It comes out that my mother had done missionary work and they seemed to instantly bond. Many of his statements and beliefs seemed to be acceptable, and bible supported until "P" mentions the part where any one not accepting Jesus goes to hell. I must admit, a slightly guilty pleasure in picking apart those who believe that there is only one "way", instead of nodding with approval, I mentioned that the world is several billion years old and that there were at least 5 known spiritual teachers before Jesus time on different continents and that I believe there are many "ways" to "heaven". As you can image, the guilt and fear techniques were applied to me, and I quickly pointed this out, meanwhile I could feel the tension in the room as I slowly but steadily challenged every biblical "fact" with an approach of simple common sense and love. Yep that's right...I proposed that the single most important lesson that came forth from jesus teachings was that we..."the children" should love one another and that I'd we all treated each other with love there would be no problem, oddly enough this did not sit well. Basically "P" was not budging from his belief that there was one way and one way only to heaven. I decided to point out that just because I love rainbow ice cream and think its the best doesn't mean that all other ice cream is wrong and if you don't choose to only eat rainbow ice cream you will be doomed and damned.

I was once forced to attend more church than than a human being should legally be allowed to be exposed to. I have experienced countless debates for and against any imaginable bible topic out there, I'm not bragging, it's the truth. I have logged years of time unwillingly in various Christian oriented discussions and have read through the entire bible at least 7 times. It's been years since I've had the pleasure of calmly disagreeing with the "my way or the highway" religious mentality but for some reason I really really enjoyed it. The best part was that when "P" would attack my credibility my mother would chime in and reassure him that I wasn't some soft minded simple lost sheep that was controlled by lucifer, I'd put in my time, I'd done my studying, I'd read my chapters and decided I'd make my own way, I formed my own beliefs and had significant experience and knowledge go back it up. The best part was that despite that my mom and I had different beliefs we love and accepted each other because that's what "turn the other cheek" love is. We ran out of time before we ran out of breath and sufficiently frightened the mere mortals in the room but it was the most fun I've had in a very long time.

Dream 12142011

Dreamed about a friend of a friend who had passed away a few years ago. In the dream there were indications that he had taken his own life and that at the time this was a huge relief for him. Through much of the dream he was asking about his loved ones because it seemed that he was unable to observe them himself with any detail. He said something like "the more he tried to listen and understand the more confusing things got" he said I have a unique ability to not feel (or block) emotions as deeply as others. He mentioned this emotional shielding (I'll call him Lo) was both useful and dangerous, and only in time would I truly understand why. Lo didn't seem to be in any pain and didn't mention a hell, pagartory, heaven or afterlife but did say that his "journey" was temporarily in some sort of holding pattern. It was raining when I woke up this morning, I love the rain, it's going to be a great day.

Low Tech Friends

Recently I had lunch with some FOFs (friends of friends), during the course of the conversation I discovered that the FOF had no computer, smart phones or internet connection at their home. For some reason this seems amazing to me, I don’t mean amazing in a good “amazed” way. I’d compare it to looking at the fuse box of your house and discovering that it runs on steam or coal. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around how or what life would be like without my iphone or computer. I most certainly would not be writing this or rather posting this for you to read. I tried not to alienate them or create any awkward tension but the curiosity was overwhelming. I proceeded in the nicest most respectful way possible and there didn’t seem to be any quantifiable root cause other than that they were very busy physically active and just haven’t invested much time or thought into owning a computer especially since they could just use their “work computer” to carry out any online related tasks. The question then became what if you leave your current job ? that was a much less interesting part of the conversation.

I think because of my upbringing it’s especially difficult to identify with anyone who doesn’t embrace technology, I grew up in silicon valley, at that time I remember all my parents, step parents, neighbors, and friends worked in the technology field.

Note: they do seem to watch a lot of TV, meaning standard cable no premium channels. They seem to have a fantastic relationship

Remix for "Lunar Powered" Ft. Flutter and Ugene Ludeka.

Here's a little freebee from Dredillah

Lunar Powered (Dre-Step Remix) by Dredillah

Happy Halloween 2011

I think I make a pretty good Zombie, I love this time of year…..

It's amazing how much you grow to rely on your right arm

Well slowly getting better, it's amazing how much you grow to rely on your right arm. I went to the doctor in August because of a reoccurring sharp pain I was experiencing. I'd thought it was my rotator or my shoulder. The doctor gave me two weeks worth of muscle relaxant an anti inflammatory. This combo was good for about three days when I realized this put my digestive system in hibernation mode. I literally didn't use the bathroom (#2) for almost 4 days. Dude it sucked, I was bloated and got heart burn. I didn't realize this was related to the medication.

In an effort to "get things moving again I ate a box of fiber bars, 3 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 large French press worth of strong coffee, half a bag of walnuts, and three laxative tablets. All of this in a six hour period. The result was nothing.

So I stopped the meds and in about a day my system kicked back in with a vengeance initially but then all my digestive related issues returned to normal.

Doc said it's actually the deltoid muscle and suggested not using it. Which makes sense but it's easier said than done. Any time you wash your hair, scratch your head, use a computer, or put on a shirt, you use some part of your deltoid muscle. Im going to nerd some serious yoga action to get back to normal. I was most horrified when I attempted to play guitar and realized a restricted range of motion. I can tell I'm not going to handle that whole "getting old" process. This is the longest heal time that didn't involve a broken bone. No worries, the recovery is noticeable but slow.

heard this on the radio and thought it was neat

 The difference between running away and running home is heading in the direction that is best for you

Color schemes for the non-visual artist

I don’t have an art degree or any color theory back ground, I can easily point out something I like esthetically but usually need a second opinion when it comes to deciding on color schemes, I’m sure my visual artists friends will scoff at this but here are three online tools that make creating color palates easy. Technology to the rescue.

http://www.colorblender.com/

http://colorschemedesigner.com/

http://www.colorschemer.com/online.html

I LOVE THIS: Beatbox Dog Abwabwabwa (Drum'n'Bass Edit)

ok so here is the original



and here is the "remix"



if you arnt laughing your ass off anout this, there is something wrong with you

I may be lacking in vitamin D, but it just occurred to me....

….that you may not think this is the real me, but believe me….it’s me.

09222011: Dream Log - House

September flew, perhaps it’s the weather but have been having this re-occurring dream where I'm in a house that is under siege by what look like police. There are three levels to the house on the third story there is a hiding spot but it takes a lot of maneuvering to get to the entry way and the opening is barely two feet by two feet. The hidden door needs to be replaced just right or it wont blend in. in the dream, If you are in a hurry there is not a lot of space or time to get to the hiding place in time. The first few times I had the dream I was aware of the hiding place but didn’t attempt to hide there. For whatever reason I attempted to run and in the daylight it's too easy to be spotted. After 2 or the failed attempts I decided to try the hidden space in the attic. The problem then becomes how to quickly cram 4 people into the space without being spotted from the window and then stay quiet long enough to make an escape once it gets dark. There is a strange hint of comedy like in the old Benny Hill chase scenes, except that when me and my friends get caught we get beaten and it's not even slightly humorous.

Dredillah's Zombie Farm

I'm not sure how this happens but every now and then a shiny object comes along and derails me from doing more productive things. Knowing this you would think I'd learn to just stay away, but for the low low price of free who can resist ? oddly enough I'm not even slightly tempted to mess with Farmville.

Point of Light (Free Photon Mix) from Dredillah

Moon of the Major Dredillah

Today at around 12:30AM London time, I’ll head off the meet a ex-best friend (KC) that I haven’t seen for close to 13 years. We parted ways under strained conditions. When I reflect on the different ways I could have handled our departure I’m reminded of how badly I handled the situation. It’s shocking to remember just how immature I can be. I hope this is a phase I’ve grown out of. I guess there is only one way to know for sure. We shared so many experiences during our friendship period I often found it difficult to picture my life without KC. Painfully I discovered that there is a fine line between friend and …well I don’t want to say “enemy” so I’ll say non friend.  Although the balance seemed to get restored, I gained new friends but none quite like KC. In fact now that I think of it very few have ever been called “best friend” I think all of my friends would agree, or at least they have told me at one time or another that I “smart” but I think they meant sneaky. I have a creeping suspicion that I’ll always have a cunning streak. I use the word cunning because it’s usually intended as a clever way to deceive. Well that’s how it is in my dictionary. It often bothers me that when trying to problem solve I seem to instantly go the sneaky route.  The scary part is once a person reaches my “inner circle” they pretty much know the real me. if I haven’t scared them off by then they must be worth keeping…or crazier than me. I know KC has had many changes in his life since we parted, I feel uncertain as to how this will go. I wonder if I’ll ever have this chance to rectify all the relationships I’ve ever soured. I would never admit to having a big ego but I do fee wholly responsible for most of my outcomes.  I have played out many scenarios in my head for this situation. I think I do this to prepare, I have a great imagination and have gotten really good at predicting outcomes….I shuffled my Aleister Crowley tarot, guess what card came up first ? oddly enough I think the new Dredillah album will be called “lunar powered” yeah.....I think entirely too much in attempt to attain certainty, but still I feel uncertain.  

Shakey shakey

Not sure if it’s because of the impending apocalypse, the comet alignment or just the fact that I’m from California, but another hobby of mine is watching earthquake trends.

Dredillah Head

Dredillah Mixing Like Mad

Dredillah Approaches

You ‘all better prepare yourselves, Dredillah has been edging ever closer to completing his first ever EP, so far seven tracks out of thirty have been confirmed for the release, tentatively titled “Lunar Powered”. There may be some sneak previews soon.  

NEWMARK - DJ2GO The most portable DJ controller in the world

Just picked this fun little cutie, dont lets it's toy like appearance fool you, with the bundled software and a decent laptop you can slam together some tight mixes. i didnt even read the manual. yeah....it's that user friendly.

Silly Random Thought

What if: your feelings of joy/sadness were projected into your past and future as bursts of inspiration ?

another Silly Random Thought

What if: your memory wasn't stored in your brain but existed in the electrical field around you body ?

Dream# 06242011

Zombie apocalypse, just slowskis no runners, not sure why but i have this re-occurring dream with different zombie type scenarios...

2011 Holy Page Compilation

This just in from one of my favorite indie lables:

It is my pleasure to present to you the 2011 Holy Page Compilation. This compilation represents a journey, a tireless effort in free media. The compilation contains works from over 25 artists from countries all around the globe. Experience everything from noise rock to dance jams to mellowed out ambience. This comp will act as an active fundraiser for Holy Page and will be available on physical cassette on Friday, July 1, 2011. You can pre-order it now! Thank you to those of you who submitted tracks, I am very grateful and hope you enjoy this creation. Turn the lights out in your room and listen to this jam all the ay through and you won’t regret it.

The Story of the 'Amen Break' with Crissy Criss - BBC 1Xtra

I stumbled across this recently, it pretty much explains the backbone of one of my favorite styles, if you have afew minutes it covers a valuable bit of musical history.

In 1969 the drummer of a band called The Winstons performed a 6 second drum solo in a track called Amen Brother. He could have had no idea how that break would go on to become one of the most used samples of all time.

It was used in early hip hop records during the 80s, it cropped up in loads of old skool rave tunes and became one of the foundation stones of Jungle and Drum & Bass - not to mention all the other tracks which feature it in one form or another! There are loads websites, databases and facebook groups devoted to the subject, for some reason Djs and producers are TOTALLY obsessed by it.

Crissy Criss explores the legacy of the Amen Break and tries to track down one of the original members of The Winstons to find out how he feels about creating the most influencial 6 second break in music.

The Story of the 'Amen Break' with Crissy Criss - BBC 1Xtra by Crissy Criss on Mixcloud

4 Out of 5 Stages

I discovered a ex-close friend of mine recently changed religious views, I actually felt Denial, Anger, Depression, and then acceptance. After pondering this for a long time I realized that I’d experienced the 4 of the 5 stages of grief about the incident. Maybe I’m experiencing the death of an idea or the death of what I thought someone was, but since we are on the life/death analogy I guess I should celebrate the birth of a “new” person? Perhaps the analogy doesn’t go that far. So to review lets revisit what the great wikipedia says:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me." Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
   
    
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?" Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..." The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it. In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.

I may need to write a song about this, because that's what i do when something has an impact on me.

Google ads WTF ??!?!

Honestly, who comes up with this stuff, i think a new algorithm may be in order

it actually says "hearing voices"....since when has that been a problem, well i guess it can get a little annoying when you are trying to focus and the "chatter" wont pipe down. 

I just cracked my toenail jumping a fence running to save a bird

Vivid dreams but no detailed memories. Hate when that happens.

Hair Brained Idea: Radio

I've always thought it would be funny to orchestrate hundreds of people to call radio stations requesting songs they'd never play

Surveys reveal the obvious ?

.....currently editing this on my phone :-)

Dream # 05182011

I was in a car driving around with my friend K,  we seemed to be circling in a pattern, periodically checking this one alley between two apartments. I think we were waiting on some one. At the same time there was a multi level parking garage where apparently I’d agreed to meet some people. There seemed to be a lot going on logistically. For some reason there was repeating sequence where I’d take the elevator up to an office several floors up where the lights were off or really low apparently to conserve power. The other office occupants seemed to recognize me. Not sure why I was there but I walked over to this cubicle and did something on a computer (one of those older CPUs with green screens from the late 80’s) and then got back in the elevator to head downstairs. The people seemed to be acting uneasy about something but since I wasn’t sure it was me I just laid low and acted like nothing was amiss. The group I was meeting in the parking garage hadn’t shown up yet but sent a messenger who gave me a sort of schedule that mapped out the rest of my day and there were points on the schedule where I knew that I’d cross paths with “the group”. I then skipped forward to a factory-esque shipping dock. I was standing on the inside, looking out at a truck that had just driven off. I began remembering a upscale party in a loft but was still standing in the loading dock doorway thinking how things were some much more perfect then, it seemed like there is something that happened that changed the normalcy of the situation.

The odd thing is that I was editing this post and took a picture of a fellow commuter but he and the rest of the image came out a little blurry so I cropped out all the normal train looking parts of the picture and was left with the trailer in the background that I didn’t notice at the time. But it ties in nicely  

Loss of balance is Overrated

Sometimes we accept trade offs in this life, I envy anyone who lives a life without compromise. At almost every turn I feel like I'm bartering and trading my soul for what I want. I think this would make things difficult for those who exist and live in am environment they are not passionate about. Like how an artist might feel working in a military-esque situation.

I've recently embraced the idea that I'm an artist, not sure how I missed this one but for some reason I've just accepted the premise that I'm a guy with a lot of crazy ideas that would need to learn to blend in to survive. The word survive is a bit severe but, the blending in part has always been surprisingly simple. I instinctively seem to know what answers, words, or actions are required by my surroundings or situation. Lately it's been more difficult to keep my inner "how I really feel" voice in my head. In the past i was really good at having a strong opinion and feeling one way yet acting completely different. I think this is called schizophrenic. Don't even get me started on the voices and dreams, that's a whole different post for later. I've started to compartmentalize more.

I think I've always compartmentalized, but just never realized I was doing it. They say there are three "yous"

1. The you that is displayed to the world
2. The you that others see
3. The you that you really are.

Well for me I feel like there are about 6 or 7 and this may not be a good thing. A big clue came when I realized that if I were to invite all of my friends to a party, there would be a lot of awkward exchanges and possibly some heated discussions. What I'm getting at is that my friends would likely not be friends with each other for many reasons, most of them being "belief" oriented. I've also noticed more and more that my views are in the minority and in the course of discussions will need to "reign in" my true feelings for fear upsetting others with my views. I've contemplated what it would be like to exist as one. I imagine an existence where I would never have to "filter" what I say or how I behave. It's alarming the number of volatile situations this would inevitably create. It's also intoxicating to think of the resolutions. Sometimes i remind me of a balancing scale. I feel a little better thinking about it like mixing water colors until I get to the part where all colors hit the saturation point and become that dark brownish yet

completely...

balanced...

mess.

Actually no....don't

Try getting a hobby you are passionate about and then doing the opposite of that from 9am to 5pm

Dream # 04272011

I was in a reality show :-( WTF ?!?!? yeah, not sure how that happened but there were cameras 24/7 and drama, everything i hate about TV programs these days.

Dream #041711

I just remembered I had another Zombie apocalypse dream, there was a lot of breaking glass, an dead animals not may dead people unless you count the zombies. They were trying to come through the window, but for some reason couldn’t figure out how to get past the broken glass. There was a news report in the background saying something about being calm which I remember thinking was hilarious. I remember being made fun of for wanting to buy some machetes. They were two for one, and I’d always wanted one.      

Dream # 041211

I'm standing slightly off shore looking back at a beach, not like the ones I grew up with, one of those "flat" beaches with no surf so there are no surfers I'm wondering why beaches like this exist. I love waves, the crash, the way the water recedes. Can't tell if the sun is rising but assume it is because it's on my right and what looks like an American city is north of me. I start moving towards the shore and start falling out of the air so that my feet are dragging and skimming across the water. The water is not too cold but then I realize it's a hair too cold for my liking, and I love it cold. There is a high pitch noise in the distance, like static and I can smell dirt but not in a people way. I smell it freshly like how it refreshes an earthworm or soothes a pig. I never realized how wonderful being dirty could be, it has the subtle smell and taste of potential, like how you feel when you smell cookie dough. I notice I'm waist deep in sea water but still smell dirt and wake up feeling gritty. Normally I forget most of the details by the time I get to my dream log but today I got a head start waking up. Even in dreams it's hard to stay asleep once the sun comes up. "I hate when the sun comes up" I remember hearing a voice that isn't mine say. Damn I wish I could go back and resume where it left off.

I cant believe I just read a owners manual for fun.

Pest Control

I was at my friend SN's house, we were waiting to head out for some fun, while at his place I kept hearing a super high pitch static type noise. It was nearly impossible to tell what direction it was coming from but there seem to be a pattern of annoying noise 2 seconds of non-noise and noise again. I asked what it was but SN was unable to hear it and was giving me a look like I was totally whacked. As I wandered around the house determined to find the source, I located an off white box plugged into the wall outlet. The box had a blue light that blinked in perfect sync with the noise I was hearing. I asked what the device was for and he explained it was for repelling pests like Mice, ants, and spiders, and that humans should not be able to hear it. I guess this settles it.....I'm a pest

Interesting: we should all take note

http://caffertyfile.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/15/why-is-there-no-looting-in-japan/?hpt=T1

Wishlist: Roland JD-800

For a while....since 1994 I've wanted one of these....But the price kept me away, they listed for $2800 USD and I'd never seen them for under $900.....there were a few timed in early 2000 when my various contacts would alert me when a JD 800 for sale would surface. I was actually in Chicago headed to s music store only to get there to find out that prince (minus the revolution) had sent one of his peeps to buy the one I was going to look at. Both manuals are a little over an inch and a half thick, but I've never really Bern a big fan of reading manuals. Shocking I know. So when I randomly located one of these on eBay for just under 400 And jumped into the bidding which seemed slow. But as soon as I hit refresh I discovered I was outbid, so I let it go and did what anyone suffering from consumer fetishism would do. I came back 45 seconds before the expire bid time and sniped it. So one of my wish list items is now checked off. This synthesizer was worth the wait. The main selling point with the JD 800 is that you can manipulate almost any sonic parameter with sliders and knobs rather than buttons and menus which seemed in vogue at the time. This thing is sonic bliss. Expect to hear a few ridiculously over the top sick sounds emitting from the newly overhauled and reconfigured Negative Nine Studios.  

Did you know that the world is actually ending on 05/21/2011.. I didn't either... http://www.wecanknow.com/

Dream #030811

Strange shattered glass, ships sinking, old house, shots with CJ, and elusive event.

Wishlist: Quasimidi Rave-O-Lution 309

I've always wanted a Quasimidi Rave-O-Lution 309, in fact i was at guitar center in the early 90's looking to buy one for around $1000. USD and the sales person introduced ME to the Roland MC-505 which i ended up buying in place of the 309 but always intended to eventually circle back and pick one up. the MC-505 served as my foundation for years of songwriting in many different styles and looks like this.

I can see the bar from here

I was invited to join my old band mates for a round of "Dance all Night" strange how the microphone looks like a ghost or UFO, but you learn to ignore crazy distracting crap like that.... and yes as cheesy as it sounds my inner asian tourist (tho i'm only part asian) could not resist taking a picture of the crowd. it felt fantastic to sing with friends while being surrounded in sound and have a stage under me feet again. i need to do more of this.

I imagined the whole thing...

A Very Long time ago in the 80's my aunt gave me a book for Christmas or my birthday, i don't remember which, i never did finish the book, not be cause it wasn't interesting..but because i had the attention span of a fruit fly. as time went on i lost track of many things, this wonderful book being one of them. a year or two ago i went looking for the book and could not find it. being the cheap skate that i am i headed to the library and found a pretty beat up version of a reprint of the same book. Oddly enough i still couldn't find time to finish it, so searched for it on eBay, bid and won. i finally finished the book recently and quite enjoyed it, i thought it would be a fun to tell my aunt thanks after all this time, only to discover she had zero memory of the book or it;s subject matter. if you know the material, it's not the kind of thing you would casually read and forget. i remember the conversation we had before i started reading the book in the 80's and remember how cool it was that an adult would be so open to such crazy ideas, but again she had no recollection of the book or anything approaching the subject matter....very puzzling.  

Random Thought

Sometimes I look around and see reflections of my self in things. It's sometimes less enjoyable than you would think.

Dre Vs. aiso/wdm buffer size

Sometimes I really hate technology. Why would any company stop it's customers from rolling back and installing old (and more stable) versions of their operating systems ? I have discovered that my MAudio sound card does not play well with windows vista. I've tried all the fixes an work arounds, nothing works. While recording at random times intermittent distortion will insert itself into my recordings. As such I've decided to uninstall vista and install XP, only to discover that either gateway or Microsoft has found some craptackular way of stopping this. That's right, even with a totally wiped seta drive XP will not install without blue screening. Apparently there is a way to partition your hard drive so that you can install multiple Operating systems so that you can boot up and select the OS of your choice. What. The. F#}k ?!?!?, so this seems to be my only choice for now. A friend let me use his windows 7 installer for testing, because after all this there is no guarantee that my MAudio card will play nice with windows 7. This is exactly the kind of situation that caused people to go and develop Linux.

I think I need a grand theft auto break....To be continued......

...but if I don't sin then Jesus will have died in vein !!

Farewell to Andropolis.....

My main "DAW" that's digital audio workstation as the world now likes to call them, crashed & burned for the last time Friday night. I was nestled in for a night of throw-down mad beats but it was not to be. I've had the computer since the mid 90's (yeah 90's) and did my best to keep it updated and OFFLINE but is now an un bootable paper weight. I know it's crazy talk but believe me... if you want to catch a work eating, show stopping virus just hop online. The good news is a few years back i expanded and moved all project data to a separate hard drive. The expansion drive is an EIDE and holds 150GB but thats about 90% full and named "darkplace"..... Anyway until 2000-ish I was still running windows 98 and only upgraded to XP as a fix to a virus issue, so I completely missed windows NT, windows 2000 and that horrible vista thing (SP2 was added a few years ago) The bottom line is that... the only thing that computer was allowed to do was MAKE MUSIC. That's it. No games, no surfing, no downloading, just music. I named the computer "Andropolis" which if you know me, will need no explanation, because it's my own little world. I've often joked that of all the things to save in a disaster it would be that hard drive as it represents so much of my musical work. Andropolis had a whopping 30GB hard drive and was custom built just for electronic music. Andropolis and I have been through a lot together, we've written about five albums, countless remixes, and created contributions for other artists albums, and there's about 6 albums worth of songs waiting to be released. I actually feel like I'm saying good bye to a friend or loved one. One of the hardest parts about loosing something you have created is rebuilding it, normally I'm more positive when it comes to looking and accessing situations like this but imagine building a house, now think about what you fill it with, tables, chairs, TV, bed...the list goes on. This is what rebuilding has been similar to because not only did I have my main recording/editing program but I also had hundreds (not kidding) ...hundreds of plugins. Plugins allow you to do very specific tasks.  Take distortion for example, there are tons of different plugins that handle just distortion, I'll leave out the part where you can make your own custom settings because that could be a posting all it's own. At about midnight I finished rebuilding the new computer, installing software, installing the sound card, and yes reinstalling what plugins I've been able to find. The good news is Prymal studios was about to throw out a computer but donated it to me a few months back. I think its only 3 years old but it didn't fit their needs. They know I am a novice Computer tinkerer enthusiast & grade A maguyver-er. Even though I have a relatively newer, better, faster and more updated computer I still miss Andropolis.

Not sure if you noticed but in the picture above "darkplace" is already installed...over on the right ?

:-)

Return

So i clicked my heels together and returned back to the land of wind, ice, and post apocalyptic zombie dreams. oh well....at least the sky is clear and there is no smell of pesky Cuban cigar in the air

And another....these were actually taken about 15 minutes apart, sometimes sunlight can be a cool thing huh ?

My last meal in the warmth

Was at a lovely place called....well i don't remember, I'm sure the sun and brightness has done something terrible to my brain, or maybe its the lack of ability to get more than 4 hours of continuous sleep....but i know it had the name of the place had news in it. "Veggie omelet" in case you were wondering.

You know yer old when....

...a fully functioning iron gets you excited, or maybe its just the view ourside my window, or all the brightness, and un-midwest weather.

Resurrection of Dredillah with Kaoss

I've been toying with the idea of my drum & bass side project a lot. mostly i build the songs in my head, i can envision the over all theme of the music. Dredillah will be high energy for sure with minimal guitars. Drum machines, synthesizers and samples mostly. It seems strange talking (writing) about this in the 3rd person. It also feels like a part of me that was never explored to it's fullest extent. I think I'll avoid actual song structure and follow more of a build up, break, mellow out, build up, go nuts sort of formula if there is such a thing. i have a slight habit of starting things and then not finishing them but i can feel that this will be different. There have been three un-released albums (roughly 6 songs each) worth of Dredillah material in the past, but i think this was because i didn't really have a fully thought out vision in terms of direction.  

Slayer Goes To Church

I know this isnt new but it makes me smile everytime i see it....

Just finished mixing new Dredillah tracks

Dream # 122710

Crazy dream with magic, spells, nudity and cooking fish. Been craving fish sticks in the worst possible way lately.  I think eating after 10PM may need to stop. what is it with nudity and dreams ? As usual it felt like days, even months had gone by, i must have a a very fully stocked dream life. I think i was in Texas, or some other southern state. i was in an apartment and it was early morning. The sun had not come up yet. we were talking like we were reviewing some sort of plan. There was an overtone of sadness the whole time, like something wasn't quite right about the way things were transpiring.

There is something calming about the wee hours of the morning

I think...

The body is an exact reflection of the balance of your thoughts

Dream #120410:

..dreamed my foot, only some toes, were deformed....i remember looking at it wondering how it could have happened. at the same time it seemed like it always was this way. i'm reall glad i woke up.

Dream #11252010:

Dreamed coworker and I were attempting to escape a hostage situation. i thought it was strange that when i said i was going to make a break for the doorway she said, you really need to lay down some suppressing fire. i couldn't figure out if we were in a school or hospital but the environment seemed academic in many ways.

Dream #12012010: Next Time

An EMT in orange vest helps three women. dont really know where we were but it looked like a crash of some kind, it was dark, maybe around 1AM-ish. one EMT and myself were trying to open the car door to let the person on the inside out. she was screaming and the male co-passanger was completely knocked out or passed out. None of it really seemed real. every now and then there were trumptes and strange under water type noises in the background. Voices singing something about burning everything you know and a repeating part that went "next time, next time, next time, next time" I may make this into a glitter assassin song

Strong and Thoughtless

ah'gain, I watch, we fade
                                      softly to white


awake here, so far from
where you are hon (ey)
we could try to be
strong and thoughtless


     In my imagination... is where you are at your best.

Dream #112110:

I was visiting a home shared by an artist and a promoter that appeared to live in Seattle. they were planning a big house party style event and i think they were interviewing me as a possible band or performance artist. the sky was orange and the experience had a "dark" overtone to it.

I Like This

Just as the acorn existed within the oak,
even when the oak was a seedling;
and as the oak existed within the earth,
even before there were trees;
and as the earth existed within the galaxy,
even before there were planets... there has never been a time, dear sweet one,
when you did not exist within me...
during which we dreamed all else into being.

Dream #102210:

I was taking pictures, i was looking at an overexposed photo. the picture was taken from across a rooftop. it seemed like the world was ending.

When things look bad it's hard to remember that it's never as bad as it seems.

I forgot how much I love "the bends" from radiohead, thanks Amanda Palmer.

Aren’t you glad?

Isn’t it nice to know that you don’t have to live the rest of your life....... to make them happy?

I have a sticker on my lap that says add drama here

Ever go to sleep wishing that when you wake up you'll be somewhere different?

No good ever seems to come from book burning.

Fun Quote

There is no time or distance that separates us, only focus.

Somehow I caught a cold, I can't breathe with out making a nasal noise.

Dream # 08062010

Was about to read a poem and then the world was destroyed. The scenery was very mad max. Everything I knew was destroyed. I ended up wandering around for months along with 3 other people. We were looking for food and shelter. We ended up getting captured and enslaved by some gang but eventually escaped. As the gang was chasing us during our escape they sprayed some sort of pepper spray in my face and I woke up coughing, with a dry throat.

Dream # 08042010

I located and moved into a apartment on the west coast. Was alone but seemed to make new friends quickly. It felt like two weeks. I went for a bike ride and then woke up back here, on the couch.

Hope you are having a very Happy Birthday

Dredillah by moonlight

.......treated with the infrared filter from iphone

Things you see back stage

Commute

I just heard that the train in front of my train hit someone and to expect a long delay, so I opened up my police scanner app, clicked the "allow location" and listened in. I'm amazed at the level of detail they give on the air. Hopefully this wait won't be too long. Hearing about neighbor disputes is not as much fun as you would think. This sort of thing makes me ponder death, it is one of my favorite subjects....blah blah blah. Big sigh... Late again :-/

My iPhone does not like the new OS

Dream: Tina and the Library

I had this very detailed dream, the focus seemed to be a female named Tina. At first I seemed to be in an office setting, except the lighting was very dim. Tina seemed to work in the garage fixing machines of all kinds. I would pass a male receptionist on my way to Tina's garage. I remember reacting to her in ways that were not "me" at one point I'd looked in the mirror and saw some one else looking back at me. My only other office mate that I was on speaking terms with was a male named Kevin. He was very creative and had tons of very decorative pieces covering his desk and walls. Kevin never called Tina by her name, he would always refer to her as the "snow colored girl" ... I remember thinking this was strange and wondered about it a while. Tina's parents would come to visit her and she somehow anticipated this and would hide from them by going for long walks or breaks. On some of the breaks she would come find me and ask me to accompany her. I always went with her on breaks. Sometimes we would do what seemed like drugs or drink from her flask. We would sometimes talk about what it might feel like for two people to die together, perhaps by freezing....at exactly the same time. This dream seemed to take a few months. I don't ever recall going home or anywhere other than reception, kevins area, or Tina's garage. Twards the end, closer to my wake I think, Tina started to become more attractive and I felt more drawn to her. I was fascinated with her and looked forward to our walks. Sometimes she would talk about being in a different place when she wakes up, but when I asked about this something would always intrupt. At one point her parents were talking to the receptionist and shortly after that Kevin disappeared, along with a lot, but not all of his art. Once, after Kevin had left, there were a lot of lights on in the office space I remember asking if she knew anything about why there were so many bright lights on and if she had noticed. She said that  she was "painfully aware of light" Tina's parents didn't seem to like me and seemed to be constant complainers. Before I woke up Tina and I were under a truck taking apart some sort of wiring and housing. Something hit my head and I woke up with the worst headache I've had in a long time. The top part of my nose where my eye socket and nose is actually still sore.

Is it Friday yet ? I done.

All of my knowledge is slowly making a pilgrimage to my phone.

It's finally happened, I have set up a meeting to discuss another meeting. I've joked about this before and never thought it could happen to me. Time to start joking about better things. I wonder if this is a sign :-/

Had one of those amazingly realistic dreams again. In the dream, was a friend who has a family member that plays in a band. The band was on tour and I ended up hanging out with everybody. Not super unusual but very detailed, there were even smells. I hadn't seen this person in a while so it was good to catch up

I don't have a huge number of real friends, but the friends I do have are friends in the truest sense of the word. They have my back and know the real me and accept me as I am. I'm extremely thankful for my friends.

I found a notebook of lyrics while cleaning, I'd written the music and located the matching song files. Now I'm stuck with a sort of disconnected feeling. My art has gone through light years of changes. I can honestly say I'm a completly different person than the one who wrote the material in 2007.

I'm fairly sure that the big heated discussion from last night resulted in my zombie apocalypse dream. The dream was like a mix of Saturday night live mixed with left for dead 2.

?

Know that when the moment is right we will be unstoppable.

This is my 1st hair cut of this year. Going to a new stylist, hope everything works out, feels funny not having my hair cut by my voodoo priestess stylist :-/

What would you do if you discovered proof that you paid a hypnotist to implant suggestions that where key words and would act as mental triggers. The suggestions were designed to guide or steer you away from specific thoughts or memories.

Saffron

I first started having reoccurring dreams of a land mass surrounded by water when I was about 8 years old. I lived with my mother and step father in California at the time of the 1st dream. On that land mass is a village. In the dream I always seemed to visit at night. The village is also surrounded by water, like a moat. The village can be accessed by a few different bridges. The village has a very medieval look and feel in terms of architecture. In the village is a female named Saffron. I don’t recall seeing any other inhabitants other than Saffron. I’ve never been sure if this takes place on my earth, or not. I do recall seeing some animals, but they were a little different than our animals, like hairless cats. And they seem to have an understanding with these creatures. During our 1st few visits I noticed that although she does not speak English we seem to be able to communicate anyway. Saffron and I would have great conversations and would share experiences and knowledge about our lives, worlds, death and theories. Our relationship is plutonic although we have kissed. Their concept of sex seems very different than ours. I believe the name of the land mass or town is “luminary” or some form of whatever the word light or glow translates to in Saffron’s language. As I got older the reoccurring was not as often as I’d like. Even though I’d visit in dreams it seemed like I had a day’s worth of memories upon waking. We seem to age in sync with each other, when I was a kid she would appear as a kid, as I got older, she would also age. Ironically, from my prospective she seems to exist in the past but Saffron thinks I am the one who is exists in the past. Oddly we never have been able to figure out who is in the future or past. There are concepts that seem foreign to her, such as movies, planes, and automobiles. They doo have books, but they have a different name. They do seem to have some sort of advanced technology based on thought and crystals. They also have music but my attempts to play music for her failed miserably, likewise her music seems more like simple cycles of random harmonic frequencies. Religion is another topic that she seems to consider archaic. Saffron has explained several times that as my understanding progresses, the need to subscribe to a religion or religious group will no longer apply. Typically I can recall 80% of the Saffron dreams, I once asked about my lack of full memory retention. She explained that there is a “safety buffer” in place and it exists for my own good. Both Saffron and I believe these are not regular dreams but a form of communication. I once suggested to her that she may be part of my subconscious, Saffron was extremely insulted by this and fired off a rampage of reasons why this was not the case. It’s been a about a year or so since the last dream. Just thought I’d share.

I've had little or no connection to the web for almost two weeks, it's not too bad. It's amazing how "connected" I've become. Hard to realize until you get disconnected. Still... It has been most refreshing. Had the AZ family to distract me from the world.

You learn a lot about yourself when you are couped up with your mother for extended periods of time.

My dreams are starting to get strange again, this usually happens before something really good. I found out recently that I'll have out of town guests. Playing host always feels strange, and by the time it stops feeling strange, they leave and that feels strange too.

Super Random: Gum

You know, I'd swallow my gum for you...just sayin :-)

Building Worlds with Imagination

One of the differences between children and grown ups, is that most children (i believe) have this wonderful ability to use their imagination at any time. They can use it to stop what's bothering them. They can allow themselves be inspired by any animal, object, or thing. Entire worlds are built with imagination in seconds. You are like that too. It's one of the things that connects us to each other, and by connection I mean love.

My Olfactory Sensory System (TMI Alert)

My sense of smell is probably the strongest of my five physical senses, and it’s both a blessing and a curse. I can’t be inside a perfume shop or a candle store for more than a few minutes without suffering from smell overload. If I’m within 7 feet of a smoker with no wind, I can tell you if they smoke Marlboro, Camel, Parliament, or Winston. Typically I avoid using any sort of cologne, for very special occasions I have two colognes that I’ll use very sparingly. Finding the right cologne has been a life long struggle as most tend to smell like wet dog or worse when combined with my skin. One of the more gross parts of super smell ability is my ability to pick up on the stench of musty, stale odors that some people have on a reoccurring 28 day cycle if you catch my drift. This experience is made worse when “scented” products are added to the mix because then I get a nasty combo of both smells. I’m overjoyed that the last bit is a temporary state. I can also tell if someone is hungry by the smell of their breath.

Quick story: Once there was a spot in my neighbor’s house opposite the kitchen where I could always smell some weirdness. I hated being in the area because I could smell the “funk” but no one else ever could. When they decided to remodel, the contractor discovered a dead animal that had nested and was living in the wall. Judging from size of the nest it had been there a while.

I have long suspected that our five senses are just interpreters of energy. It’s a fact that different colors of light happen to correspond to different frequencies. I think this applies to touch, and sound. Something I’ve often thought about is… that in order to hear a radio station you tune into the desired radio station frequency, and by doing so you are able to interpret or listen to the data being transmitted on that signal or frequency of energy. I’ve toyed with the idea that if sound or frequency is a carrier of information then it makes sense that smell and other senses operate in similar ways. So what information is received if you tune into a smell? I haven’t decided on that one but I know that smells can trigger memories. I believe that memories are thoughts and thoughts are energy. When I’m aware of certain smells I can often remember things with more detail than if I attempt to remember without an aromatic aid. Try this…. next time you smell something, close your eyes and really focus on the scent, but pay close attention to how you feel… for me other senses will kick in, and sometimes if I’m in the right frame of mind I can tap into a deeper experience such as taste, and sometimes thoughts…. all revolving around the smell.

Everyone I’ve ever met has their own specific scent. It’s interesting how related people have similar smells. Often, people’s scents are masked by the overwhelming scent of the products they wear. I’ve often learned to associate people with the smell of the products they wear. Once in a great while I cross paths with some who wear little or no masking scents, it is both subtle and refreshing.


Some (but not all) of my favorite scents would be:
Pancakes

• Fresh coffee in the morning
• Garlic bread
• Frankincense when combined with right skin chemistry type
• Old spice when worn my Dad
• Anything barbequed or grilled
• Fresh air, like when camping or up in the mountains
• California in the morning
• Teresa’s custom blend of sandalwood incense from San Diego, but not the cheap store bought stuff
• Chocolate, like from Ghirardelli square back in the 80’s
• Rain, specifically an approaching rain in the few seconds before it hits
• Freshly turned soil
• LaTasha’s coconut oil or coco butter scented moisturizer (often mistaken for that Jheri curl smell)

I have a long list of stenches that will send me fleeing in the opposite direction when I catch a whiff of them, but I think by listing them I’d leave myself wide open for some April fool’s day pranks....Smell ya later


Dredillah