I just cracked my toenail jumping a fence running to save a bird

Vivid dreams but no detailed memories. Hate when that happens.

Hair Brained Idea: Radio

I've always thought it would be funny to orchestrate hundreds of people to call radio stations requesting songs they'd never play

Surveys reveal the obvious ?

.....currently editing this on my phone :-)

Dream # 05182011

I was in a car driving around with my friend K,  we seemed to be circling in a pattern, periodically checking this one alley between two apartments. I think we were waiting on some one. At the same time there was a multi level parking garage where apparently I’d agreed to meet some people. There seemed to be a lot going on logistically. For some reason there was repeating sequence where I’d take the elevator up to an office several floors up where the lights were off or really low apparently to conserve power. The other office occupants seemed to recognize me. Not sure why I was there but I walked over to this cubicle and did something on a computer (one of those older CPUs with green screens from the late 80’s) and then got back in the elevator to head downstairs. The people seemed to be acting uneasy about something but since I wasn’t sure it was me I just laid low and acted like nothing was amiss. The group I was meeting in the parking garage hadn’t shown up yet but sent a messenger who gave me a sort of schedule that mapped out the rest of my day and there were points on the schedule where I knew that I’d cross paths with “the group”. I then skipped forward to a factory-esque shipping dock. I was standing on the inside, looking out at a truck that had just driven off. I began remembering a upscale party in a loft but was still standing in the loading dock doorway thinking how things were some much more perfect then, it seemed like there is something that happened that changed the normalcy of the situation.

The odd thing is that I was editing this post and took a picture of a fellow commuter but he and the rest of the image came out a little blurry so I cropped out all the normal train looking parts of the picture and was left with the trailer in the background that I didn’t notice at the time. But it ties in nicely  

Loss of balance is Overrated

Sometimes we accept trade offs in this life, I envy anyone who lives a life without compromise. At almost every turn I feel like I'm bartering and trading my soul for what I want. I think this would make things difficult for those who exist and live in am environment they are not passionate about. Like how an artist might feel working in a military-esque situation.

I've recently embraced the idea that I'm an artist, not sure how I missed this one but for some reason I've just accepted the premise that I'm a guy with a lot of crazy ideas that would need to learn to blend in to survive. The word survive is a bit severe but, the blending in part has always been surprisingly simple. I instinctively seem to know what answers, words, or actions are required by my surroundings or situation. Lately it's been more difficult to keep my inner "how I really feel" voice in my head. In the past i was really good at having a strong opinion and feeling one way yet acting completely different. I think this is called schizophrenic. Don't even get me started on the voices and dreams, that's a whole different post for later. I've started to compartmentalize more.

I think I've always compartmentalized, but just never realized I was doing it. They say there are three "yous"

1. The you that is displayed to the world
2. The you that others see
3. The you that you really are.

Well for me I feel like there are about 6 or 7 and this may not be a good thing. A big clue came when I realized that if I were to invite all of my friends to a party, there would be a lot of awkward exchanges and possibly some heated discussions. What I'm getting at is that my friends would likely not be friends with each other for many reasons, most of them being "belief" oriented. I've also noticed more and more that my views are in the minority and in the course of discussions will need to "reign in" my true feelings for fear upsetting others with my views. I've contemplated what it would be like to exist as one. I imagine an existence where I would never have to "filter" what I say or how I behave. It's alarming the number of volatile situations this would inevitably create. It's also intoxicating to think of the resolutions. Sometimes i remind me of a balancing scale. I feel a little better thinking about it like mixing water colors until I get to the part where all colors hit the saturation point and become that dark brownish yet

completely...

balanced...

mess.